Day 3: Love is not selfish 10/13/2009
 Be devoted to one another in brotherly love; give preference to one another in honor. —Romans 12:10 TODAY’S DARE Whatever you put your time, energy, and money into will become more important to you. It’s hard to care for something you are not investing in. Along with restraining from negative comments, buy your spouse something that says, “I was thinking of you today.” NIGHT BEFORE THOUGHTS I feel like I need to take this more serious.....like I'm not doing all that I could be. I have to let his negativity roll off my back and learn to treat and love him the way I want to be treated and loved. But honestly he can make it so damn hard! He makes it HARD for me to love him sometimes. I hate the fact that the thought "Why did we ever get married" enters my mind.....but it does....and if I'm honest it does often. When we were married, I wanted a partner. Someone who was in this ride calledl life right beside me. I received a man who has no problem sitting back and letting me try and take care of it all myself. A man who was the lightest sleeper until LO was born, and every night since he's fallen into a coma. A man who could care less if our grass is 3 ft tall, and that our bathroom faucet has been leaking for over two years. I tend to feel more like his mother than his wife. So I guess the 8 years worth of pent up agression and anger I carry with me, makes it harder for me to do the "nice" challenges. It bothers me to know that if he would walk out that door tonight, I'd be fine. Not money wise, but emotionally and physically, I'd be perfectly fine. Sorry this has turned into more of a vent, but if I'm going to take this seriously, I have to admit how I truely feel. MY EXPERIENCE I did much better today, and I feel good but exhausted about it! It was a hard day for Tony. He kept Lo home from school to take him to the doctor since he's had a cough for over a week, so that alone is trying for him! On top of that my in-laws and Tony's cousin were coming over for dinner. I asked him if he wanted me to just pick his cousin up since it's on my way home from work, but could tell he just needed to get out of the house. As soon as I came home, he left, and I knew he needed to. After everyone was here I helped him with dinner, did the clean up on my own so he could visit with his family, entertained Lo when guitar hero was brought out :P and got him ready for bed. After Lo was in bed, we needed soda so I ran to the convenience store by our house and picked some up, along with Tony's favorite chocolate covered pretzels which made him happy. In a way I'm beginning to think I need to get over myself...LOL. I'm so women's rights about things that it isn't even funny. In my mind he's no better than I am, and I'll be damned if I'm going to be one of those June Cleaver wives who waits on her husband hand and foot. That's sooooo not me! But I do realize that I have to be kinder, because when he's out he picks things up for me, or will call to see if I need anything. This challenge isn't about ME it's about US so I put myself aside tonight, and it wasn't that bad :P Commentsmm Tue, 13 Oct 2009 20:23:18 Dr. Laura Schlessinger (spelling?) wrote a children's book "Why do you love me?" About a child discovering that their actions good or bad will not cause nor prevent his mother's love. Reading your post tonight I'm remembering the lines from it that I think apply to adult emotions too. When the boy tells his mother that when he is mad at her, it feels like he doesn't love her at all, she says, "It is hard to feel the soft feeling of love when one is angry or upset. But like the sun on a cloudy day, the love is still there." So I guess L, either the clouds are preventing you from seeing the sun or else the sun has set. I'm so proud and amazed that you are sharing so much with us and that you are being so honest. Thu, 15 Oct 2009 12:03:08 I am so with you on the woman's rights things and trying to let that go a little bit. Or at least not making it my excuse...It's hard though because I do get those well this is supposed to be 50/50 and he's no better than me thoughts. Which I think in some ways is just a way for selfishness to creep in. Leave a Reply |  Why am I taking the challenge?
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